


soldiered storms

by AP0LL0S



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Koganegawa's POV, M/M, Sendai Frogs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:27:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26865895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AP0LL0S/pseuds/AP0LL0S
Summary: “I’m proud of you.” Goshiki spoke softly.“Why?”or,,where the sendai frogs lose an important match and koganegawa has to face his emotions
Relationships: Goshiki Tsutomu/Koganegawa Kanji
Comments: 7
Kudos: 108





	soldiered storms

**Author's Note:**

> click [here](https://t.co/L6ycyXJwWF?amp=1) for this fic's playlist

Defeat was no foreign language to Koganegawa. He had endured it several times, pushing through chains of sorrow to make it out panting for new beginnings. Because what would his worth be if he gave up every time he came across a small stumble in his path? He was a volleyball player. He knew how essential it was for him to have not only a strong physique but also a very resilient mind. That was something he was well aware of. 

But it stung. Like a mountain was standing on his shoulders. The events of that day’s match kept replaying on his mind. It was the Sendai Frogs key match. The moment they’ve been waiting for the whole season, a chance for a new beginning. If they stood victorious by the end of the match, they’d make it to the league’s Division 1. They would play against the best teams, push themselves to new limits. 

Koganegawa could still feel his feet detaching from the ground, his hands high up, and a thrumming heart working as the maestro for the soundtrack that was following that moment. The opposite’s team spiker was looking at him in the eyes. Koganegawa could almost see himself in that ferocious stare, as the net was a mirror showing him what he wanted the most. And at that moment, what he wanted the most was to block that ball and make it his team’s point. 

The next series of events occurred too fast. His bandaged fingers barely brushing against the ball, shoes squeaking against the wooden floor, and a cry on the other side of the net. And just like that, his surroundings were consumed by silence. He looked back, his team’s libero laying on the floor with the ball inches aside his hands. Blood started rushing to his ears, and soon there was the sound of static piercing through his head. 

He doesn’t recall making his way to the locker room, or the pat on his back that Tsukishima gave him, or the final greetings by the end of the game. Numbness was all that was left. No tears, no heart tugs. Just a layer of stinging under his skin, reminding him of the outside world. 

The one thing he remembered was the ride back home. Though he’d rather forget it, his mind kept offering him the vivid image of Tsukishima and Kyoutani sitting on the driver’s and passenger’s seat. Tsukishima was gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles, his jaw firmly set. And by his side, not so composed, stood Kyoutani. His cheeks were red and framed with rolling tears. That was the moment he came back to his senses. Out of a sudden, there was sound and colors around him again, the traffic rush anchoring him to his senses. 

He wanted to say something, lift up the mood. Tell them that they did good and that stuff like that happened. But he couldn’t even bring himself to open his mouth, his energy being completely drained. He felt like a stranger in his own skin, not used to the feelings burning his insides. There were no sparkles of excitement and optimism, only gloom and an ache with such intensity that it consumed him like there was nothing left. 

Once they arrived home, their usual routine was left forgotten. No one sat in the living room chatting, the stove in the kitchen remained untouched. The only sound to be heard was the squeaking of the hinges of the bedrooms’ doors. And soon, after tucking into bed, Koganegawa heard droplets of water hitting the windows. 

An hour passed. Maybe two. There was no way he’d know, the notion of time behind his understanding. Not once did he close his eyes despite the tiredness in his body. He kept imagining what it would be like if he blocked that ball, if maybe he were a little more to his left. He could be celebrating the team’s spot in Division 1. 

There was a knock on the door that he wouldn’t hear if the room weren’t in complete silence. He sat on the mattress, and the door opened to reveal a disheveled fringe. Seconds later he was being engulfed in a pair of arms, the smell of cologne inebriating his senses.

“Hey.” Goshiki murmured and kissed the top of his head. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it sooner.” 

“It’s ok.” Koganegawa said with his forehead against the smaller man’s shoulder.

“Have you eaten yet?” 

“Not hungry.”

Goshiki furrowed his brows at that, his hands coming up to hold Koganegawa’s face. He felt vulnerable, Goshiki’s eyes reading right through his face and making it seem like he just blurted out every thought in his mind. His hands were cold against his cheeks, making it feel like a switch holding him down onto the real world. 

“I’m proud of you.” Goshiki spoke softly. 

“Why?”

“Because look at you.” His thumbs traced imaginary lines from his eyes down to the slumped corner of his lips. “Look how far you’ve come. How hard you work every single day to be the best version of yourself.”

“We lost. I made the team lose.”

“How is that so?” Goshiki raised his eyebrow.

“I didn’t block the ball. They got the point.”

Saying it out loud turned out more painful than he had anticipated. His gut was burning, and it hit him that he was finally breaking down. Every single emotion he had been bottling up since the end of the match started trying to make its way out. 

“Do you know how many points it takes to win a game?” Goshiki asked. “Are you going to tell me that it is also your fault all the other balls weren’t blocked?” 

Koganegawa kept quiet. He knew Goshiki was right, but he also felt the need to blame himself for something. Anything.

“Some goals take longer to reach, you know?” There was a chaste kiss left on his lips. “It just makes reaching them feel greater.”

“I feel like I failed the team.”

Goshiki leaned against the bed’s headboard while holding Koganegawa in his arms. He was taller, but at that moment he felt small in Goshiki’s embrace. Like there was a bubble trapping him inside another reality, one where he wasn’t aching tremendously. 

“You’re their setter. You gave them a whole set of points and barely managed a second one.” Goshiki said with his hands combing through Koganegawa’s hair. “Is that what failure is to you?”

The two of them stood there in silence for a couple of minutes. Koganegawa’s breath was hitching, and that was the only thing they heard among their shared quietude. Then Koganegawa turned around so that he was facing Goshiki and the latter gave him the smallest nod.

That was all it took for him to let the tears fall. He found Goshiki’s chest, and steady arms held him tightly. The last time he allowed himself to cry like that had been years ago, the sense of pure emotional release feeling strange. 

“For what it’s worth, I think you’re amazing.” Goshiki murmured on his ear before kissing his temple.

It was as if a wave of heat pierced through him, and Koganegawa tightened his embrace on Goshiki’s chest. He could feel the black-haired man’s heart thrumming under his damp cheeks, and it sounded like home. It sounded like the warm feeling of belonging, and for a second he forgot the pain. 

“For real?”

“The most amazing person in the world.”

**Author's Note:**

> as a sendai frogs stan, this piece was very painful to write... but here it is, i hope you liked it!! 
> 
> you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/DABISHIMA)


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